3 min read · MOMUS

The Poison Subscription: Why your peace of mind is an obstacle to your digital survival

Harmony is for amateurs. Learn how to keep your blood pressure at a healthy disaster level through the constant search for the next online scandal, and why "getting outraged" is the only cardio exercise you truly need.

Satire notice:

MOMUS articles are satire and deliberately recommend the opposite of healthy behavior. They are a mindset mirror, not health advice.

Have you taken a deep breath today and enjoyed the silence? Hopefully not! Silence is the vacuum in which your worst enemies thrive: your own, undisturbed thoughts. Who wants self-reflection when they can have the wonderful world of collective gasping? Welcome to the "Cult of Outrage." We passionately advocate for not just disturbing inner peace, but razing it to the ground with the precision of a demolition company.

Modern humans no longer define themselves by what they love, but by what they utterly despise. And the internet is a buffet that never closes. Why should you read a book or meditate when you can unfold your true potential in the comment sections of an article about the wrong color of traffic light men? "Outrage-surfing" is the art of swinging from one digital firebrand to the next. It gives you the intoxicating feeling of being morally superior, while in truth, you’re just scrolling your thumb raw and developing foam at the mouth.

Getting upset is highly efficient. It fills every second of free time with artificial meaning. When you get worked up over the opinion of a stranger on the other side of the world, you don't have to deal with the yawning void in your own living room. We celebrate the "trigger moment." We specifically look for content that we know will make our pulse skyrocket. It is a form of emotional masochism disguised as social engagement.

A quiet mind is a dangerous mind—it might get the idea that life is actually quite okay. And that would be the end of our business model. Stay angry. Stay outraged. Let every algorithm serve you the next portion of bile. It is the only form of mental activity that guarantees no real solution is required, yet fills the entire day. Cheers to cognitive dissonance and the eternal struggle over nothing!

The positive motivation with a medical/technical explanation: Do you feel shaky, exhausted, and strangely empty after an hour of "online discussion"? That is your nervous system surrendering under the weight of an artificially created threat.

Technically, by constantly being outraged, you put yourself in a state of chronic sympathetic nervous system activation. Your body does not distinguish between a saber-toothed tiger and an insulting comment on Facebook. It releases massive amounts of adrenaline and cortisol. Cortisol is useful in small doses, but in a permanent state, it acts like acid on your brain. It destroys synapses in the hippocampus, the center for memory and emotional regulation. You literally lose the ability to calm yourself down.

Furthermore, constant anger leads to neuroinflammation. Your immune system is misguided and starts attacking your body's own structures. This promotes anxiety disorders, depression, and diminishes your capacity for empathy. Your prefrontal cortex—the logical control center—shuts down, and you become a slave to your instinctive fear center, the amygdala.

The good news: you have the "stop button." Your brain possesses the capacity for neurogenesis (the formation of new neurons) if you grant it rest. Even a "digital detox" of a few hours and consciously directing your attention toward real, positive interactions measurably lowers cortisol levels. Silence is not a vacuum, but the space in which your brain repairs itself. Turn off the outrage and turn on the peace—your cells will thank you with a clarity and joy for life that no algorithm in the world can simulate!

Note:

This satirical article does not replace medical advice. For real guidance, see the English guide overview or the German knowledge pages.